Now that I’m free to share, I’m going to write more openly about what my family has been going through.
My father, who has been battling Parkinson’s, spinal stenosis, and Type 2 diabetes, has yet another burden to add to his list. We found out he has an incurable form of Leukemia. (You can read the longer details here. https://principlesforlife.org/…/principlesforlifeministries/)
We are not unfamiliar with grief and fear, as the last 2 years have been horrific roller coaster rides of watching every aspect of my parents’ lives change due to both gradual and sudden health concerns. It’s a strange place to be, to know they are in such a state to die any minute but that they could also go on living for years.
The reason I want to be honest about it is because we all, essentially, have to live in that same state: knowing any minute it will all be taken away. I just get to feel it thrown in my face a little more poignantly than some, on a regular – sometimes weekly – basis.
The main concern I have is not that the world understand how hard our lives have been the last several years. Life is hard. My concern is that people understand why so many of my posts and so many of my updates go back to Jesus, God, and my thanks for Him.
Whether you know this or not, I’ve had a lot to complain about. In many ways, my life has sucked. Not much about my days that makes me stand up and cheer. I get to watch two of my favorite people that I depend on the most for love, support, care, guidance, and hope walk through lives of hopelessness that just keep getting worse.
So how come I filter everything (as best I can) through a faith-based filter? And how come I have faith in a good God who is in control of everything when I look around at the universe that is truly filled with so much self-centeredness, indulgent pride, disinterest in the cause of the needy, that is violent and rageful even in the name of peace? Passive and compromising, intellectually engaged and often heart empty? A place where people are destroyed in the name of defending a cause, where love is so absent from so many of the things we strive for and seek to attain?
All of the above horrors? Those are WHY I believe in that God. The death we all await, and fear and dread? That is WHY I know there is a God in Heaven. Our moral compass that drives you and me to do both wonderful and HORRIBLE things in the name of the things we love, it’s embedded in our hearts. And if a greater God than us didn’t, hadn’t created us with souls that knew THIS PLACE ISN’T RIGHT we wouldn’t know, in our souls, that we were made for something better. We wouldn’t keep striving. We couldn’t claim that there is a right and there is a wrong if we didn’t know it deep down that there IS something called GOOD. We’ve all just distorted it to fit a particular mold, and, in essence, we’ve screwed it up.
But my hope, my belief in God, it shows me how there is a plan for redemption. It shows what a life COULD be. It shows me how I want to be and who I want to become. It provides a webbing and brings a framework to the senseless lives we live, seeking in agony a meaningful existence in a world we know will just someday end for us. Because we believe in a Higher Purpose, even when we say we don’t.
Apart from Christ, I would be nothing. It’s a life and a world I could do without. But unless I have hope of an eternal promise that finally brings fruition to everything I’ve fought for and believed in, in everything I do, WHAT WAS THE POINT? If I can see with my soul’s eye everything my heart wants and desires, all the good God intends for all those of us whom He loves, I can see why all this horrible, terrible mess of this life actually makes sense. It can even show me how and why God has used my parents’ suffering and helplessness for so much good.
It means that the fear, the misery, the agony, as well as the desire to just give up and get out of this place filled with the previews of what Hell is going to be actually keep my feet planted here as long as I can, so I can share the hope we all need. Without God, there truly is no hope. And I’ve seen it. I know it. And for as long as I have to stay here in this godless life of pain and suffering and evil, I will seek after God and impart His goodness into the lives I know. And I’ll do that fearlessly, because God is the only thing we don’t have to be afraid of in this life if we can and will receive His love and gift.
I love each of you. Without hesitation, and ENDLESSLY. Because Jesus first loved me.
Romans 5:18-21 (NLT) Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous.
God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/…)